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Talia

Talia's Experience and a Link to even better advice

After a year of The Goddess getting used to the idea of me being TG, I figured it was about time that I told some close friends as well.

My situation is somewhat unique. My friends and the people that I work with are VERY open minded. But I wanted to keep my SECRET to myself until I knew where the chips were going to fall in my relationship with the Goddess.
 

January 2003, I made my Drag Debut, and decided that having my friends see me perform in Drag, might be a way to *ease* them into the idea of me being TG.  They could see  me looking my *best* AND give them a chuckle as well.  In addition, there would be a limited amount of personal interaction possible making it more comfortable for them.

However, the first person I told came as a surprise.

What to do, what to do???????

The options were:

• Leave and hope he didn't see me.
• Move to a secluded table and hope he didn't recognize me.
• Do nothing and butch it out.  Even if he DOES recognize me, I can just deny it.
• Take the bull by the horns and go say *Howdy!*

What would YOU have done?

 Here was my thought process.

If I left...I’d blow my chance to get information about performing, and I’d invested a lot of time and money in it. Also...if I left or later denied it was me, wouldn’t that indicate that I was somehow embarrassed about what I am? Next, people aren’t stupid. Even tho’ I look MUCH different dressed, given enough time...he'd figure it out. And it’s not like the room was packed with other T-Girls. There were only 2 other girls there that night. I was going to tell some people I worked with anyway. News like this doesn’t stay a secret long no matter WHO you tell, so some people are going to find out anyway. People I work with had seen me in "drag" before, when I’d done a class project and used M to F transformation an example. So, the answer seemed obvious.

I chose the *HOWDY!* option.

I went over to his table, stuck out my hand and said, *Hi! Congratulations! You’re the first person to know about Talia!*

Then we preceded to have a nice chat! In the course of the conversation, I discovered that he did Drag for a number of charity fund raisers, so I offered to help him with his costumes. I said that I was going to make my debut next week and he promised to be there to see me. He explained that he came to see the Drag Shows every weekend. So...if I had decided to make a quick exit that night...it wouldn’t have done me a bit of good. I’d probably run into him the next night...or the night after that!

We finished chatting and I went back to my table, watched the show, enjoyed myself and got the information about performing the next week.

If you meet someone in a gay nightclub, you can be pretty sure that they aren’t going to be telling tales out of school...*G*, however, my situation wasn’t at ALL like meeting someone you know at the Mall or a Restaurant or some other more *mainstream* venue. The point being, you have to play the situation by ear and decide what course of action is appropriate.

 

A couple of days before my performance, I buttonholed the three people I’d INTENDED to tell.

Their reactions were just as I expected.  In one case rather bemused, in another, giggly , and in the last rabidly enthusiastic.

You have to KNOW the people that you tell.

Now that I’ve told those three...I’m sure that word has spread.

I didn’t ask anyone to keep it a *secret*, because I figure that’s the quickest way for word to spread like WILDFIRE.

No one else has brought the subject up with me, and if they do, I’ll dole out information on a *need to know* basis and use the old military policy of *Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell*.

I’ll deny nothing, but sure as Hell won’t offer to tell the world either.  There's no point in it.

One has to keep in mind that there has to be a REASON to share your secret with someone else.  Just as with telling your spouse, the information that you give your friends has to benefit your relationship with them. 

If you think someone is likely to react badly to the news, harbors moral objections to the subject, or is homo/trans/reality PHOBIC...don't tell them.  They don't NEED to know.

At this writing,  5 people I consider close boy mode friends  know about Talia and I like it that way JUST FINE.

You may be more aggressive or have a reason to tell MORE people and be more free in sharing that knowledge.

If so, click on the link below  to Brina's site for better advice on how to do it!  Look at her section on

DISCLOSURE.