secretsi

Since you're reading this, you're probably married to or involved in a relationship with a GG (genetic girl) and I'm SURE that telling that wonderful person your *big secret* has crossed your mind.

At the time I wrote this, my wonderful wife (who I will refer to from now on as The Goddess) had known for a week about me being TG. How are things going, you ask? I'll tell you in just a bit.

Let's think about YOUR situation a bit first.

Should you tell her?

In THEORY (and you're probably NOT going to want to hear this) the answer is always YES, YOU SHOULD!!! But then again, *Theory works in Practice...but only in Theory*.

Besides...I'm not going to tell you what to do. The only person who can decide if you should tell her is YOU. Begin by asking yourself some questions:

Are you prepared to lose the most important person in your life?
How can telling her IMPROVE your relationship and the quality of life for BOTH of you?
How will telling her effect other relationships that you share with her? (Children, family, and friends)

Knowing the answers to these questions is your first step and will help you to decide if you should tell her. There will be sacrifices to be made if you do, or don't.

Keeping your secret means living a lie, denying your partner the opportunity to know an integral part of you, and being in constant fear of her *discovering* your secret.

Sharing your secret means burdening your partner with baggage that's not easy to handle, changing your relationship permanently, losing the ultimate freedom of your female side, and facing the very real possibility that your partner will leave you.

So...What are you going to do?????

A Simple Answer: Yes or No?

If you've just decided NOT to tell her after reading this far, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, KEEP READING!!!

Just because you've decided not to tell her, doesn't mean that she won't FIND OUT!

Oh sure....SOME TGs live their whole lives without being discovered. But what are the odds that YOU will? Do you really want to bet on crappy odds that have no payoff if you *win* and clean you out if you lose JUST ONCE? I sure didn't. Let me tell you why.

About a month before I decided to tell my *secret*, The Goddess went out of town for the weekend, so of course, that meant that Talia came out to play.

I'm usually very careful about making sure I've picked up all my girl things, but THIS time I slipped up. I left my mascara in the bathroom, and when she returned, she found it. *Whose mascara is this????? It's not mine!!!! It's black! I don't WEAR black!*, she said. I'm luckier than most girls would have been in this situation. I do some acting from time to time and teach a class in Stage Make-Up. So it was easy for me to casually say, *Oh...That's mine out of my make-up kit.* She looked at me carefully, and then replied with mild sarcasm, *Do you wear it every day?* Not wanting to lie, but not wanting to tell the truth either, I managed to grin broadly and squeeze out, *Well....not EVERY day.* We had a nice little laugh about it, and she let the matter rest. It was this incident, in part, that led me to decide to tell her the truth.

What would YOU have done or said had that happened to you? I doubt you'd be as lucky as I was.

The point of this story is to help convince you that even if you decide not to tell, you still need to prepare in case you are cold busted. If you're smart (and most TGs ARE) you'll do all the work that I've outlined below in case you're FORCED to tell your secret.

The best way to lose your partner and wreck your life, is to be caught UNPREPARED when the inevitable happens.

Me? I'd rather play Russian Roulette with an Uzi on auto.

What can I expect if I tell her?

If you DO decide to tell her, what can you expect? I can't answer that. The only person who can attempt to predict how she'll react is the person who knows her better than anyone on earth......YOU.

Study her closely through your female eyes. Who IS she, really? What makes her the special person that she is? Put yourself in HER pumps. Once you've told her, YOU have to help her through this. What issues will she have? What resources will she be able to draw on? Who can SHE talk to about this bomb that you're planning on dropping? What will she NEED to know? What will she WANT to know?

Write down EVERYTHING that you know about her, no matter how trivial it may seem. Then, organize those characteristics, traits and habits into at least two categories: Roads to Acceptance and Barriers to Acceptance. If you come up with less than 3 pages of material, you don't know her well enough and need to spend some time with her.

You are going to be putting her in a very tough position. If you're like most TGs, you've been living with this wonderful woman for a number of years. Breaking the news means that all that time you've spent building trust and a relationship will go right down the dumper. Resign yourself to starting again...from scratch. In essence, you've thrown a THIRD person into the mix... a stranger, who she doesn't know at all. HER FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN will be one of the biggest hurdles for you both to overcome.

Be prepared to gently give her all the information that she needs in SMALL DOSES! Remember, you've been living with this for your entire life, and chances are that it's taken you more than half of that life to understand and accept it. Give your partner the time she needs to let things settle and gel a bit before dumping another load on her. She'll need lots of information, and lots of time to understand and accept the new improved you. It's up to YOU to show her how it can benefit HER. Try to present everything that you tell her in a positive way. After all, one of the main goals of telling her is to build a better, deeper and richer relationship for BOTH of you.

Ok....Now take a deep breath, be brave, and let's take the next step together. Click the link below and I'll tell you how I did it.

Your Spouse