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Talia

Through Understanding

(a work in progress)

This Section Contains

Why this section exists

The importance of Self Examination and Discovery in creating Unity

Possible motivations and reasons for Transgender behavior

Let me begin by stating that what follows are my thoughts and feelings based on my experience and perceptions.

THIS IS IN NO WAY, SHAPE OR FORM A SCIENTIFIC STUDY

I do not have a degrees in Psychology or Sociology. My degrees are in Theatre. How does this qualify me to speak about human behavior and motivation? Well....it doesn’t....technically. However, I have spent almost 30 years of my life observing and deciphering the behavior and motivations of real people in order to apply them to fictional dramatic characters. I was trained *put myself in another person’s shoes* and to use my imagination to examine possibilities for why a person might behave the way they do.

I do not present my ideas as FACT or TRUTH. I only present them as "possibilities". It is not an exhaustive list and any limitations you may discover are grounded in the limitations of my imagination and experience.

My greatest hope is that is that I may help a Transgendered individual discover something about themselves. My second greatest hope is that someone who IS trained in Psychology or Sociology will be inspired to investigate my ideas in the proper scientific manner and prove they have worth. My third greatest hope is that I’ll piss someone off enough to use scientific methods to prove that I’m actually full of shit.

My only request is that a reader keep an open mind.

The question most frequently asked of Transgendered individuals is *Why are you this way?* It is also the question that Transgendered individuals most frequently ask themselves. The most common answer to that question is *I wish I knew*.

Why do we answer in this cavalier manner? Perhaps this isn’t as flippant an answer as it may first appear.

First...each Transgendered individual has a number of different, complex and intertwined reasons and motivations. There IS no ONE answer.....and there is no SHORT answer.

Second, examining and justifying the reasons and motivations we have for what we do and feel may show us sides of ourselves we may not like very much, or that we find undesirable or negative. Honest self examination is rarely an enjoyable activity. We may not wish to share our "deep dark secrets" with people who may be little more than acquaintances.

Third....all we really want is to be accepted for what we are. When someone asks "Why are you this way?", it’s easy to become defensive, or even more commonly to just give a short vague answer because it takes too long to explain it. We may feel as if that person is demanding an explanation for our existence....asking us to justify our very being. Genetic males and females are just accepted for what they are and may not realize what a difficult question it is for us to answer. We get tired of answering the same questions over and over.

Fourth....and most disturbing, is when Transgendered individuals ask each other these questions with the agenda in mind of building the validity of their sub group by discrediting, discounting or disassociating themselves from another’s sub group. Sadly this type of behavior stems from the same kind of ignorance, selfishness and bigotry as mainstream individuals often display and only serves to confuse the issue and hurt us as group. We may be afraid of having our "peers" reject us.

I believe it is important to educate the people who ask us questions. But first, we must discover the answers for ourselves, about ourselves AND about others in our group.

One of my goals in committing my thoughts to paper is to engender (pardon the expression) more understanding between Transsexuals and what I term the Pangendered.  In order for either group to gain recognition or acceptance, we MUST understand one another and work together. Once we identify and accept our similarities and differences it becomes surprisingly easy to find common ground in the first step toward unity.

Definitions and motivations

Intolerance can stem from a variety of sources. One primary source is ignorance.  That is the source of intolerance that I've chosen to combat here.  What follows here is a repetition of  definitions from the Being Trans section and possible motivations for why each group behaves and thinks the way they do.

To bolster Self Image and Self Esteem:

Self Image means the categories an individual places themselves in (ie: a single, middle aged, cross dresser.)

Self Esteem means how one feels about oneself (ie:  HAPPY, WELL-PRESERVED, and ATTRACTIVE ). 

Self Image and Self Esteem make up a person’s Self Concept...what makes up everything a person is...the essence of their being. (ie: a HAPPILY single, WELL-PRESERVED middle aged, ATTRACTIVE cross dresser). 

Everyone has a basic need to be found *attractive*. Someone may cross dress because of a poor self esteem as a man.   A man may not fit the stereotype of the perfect *MAN* and not receive the attention he desires when dressing as a man. He may, however, have more stereotypic *FEMALE* features or qualities that he can exploit to their fullest effect by dressing as a woman and thereby receive the attention he desires and fulfill the need to be found attractive.

Few *easy* avenues are open to men to make them more attractive.

If a man is slightly overweight, balding, has average looks and an average complexion....the options available to him to improve himself are limited. Diet and exercise are hard work and the results are never permanent. A toupee can be purchased or hair implants can be employed. Plastic surgery can be attempted to improve facial attractiveness. As for clothing....well...let’s face it. Men’s clothing is limited and does little or nothing to mask flaws. All of these methods require commitment of time, effort and money. There is virtually no way the average man can completely and radically change they way they look in less than 3 hours.

Options available to women to make themselves more attractive are more numerous, less expensive and *easier*.

Wearing a corset and artfully placed padding can give the illusion of a better physique. Wigs give an infinite number of choices of hairstyles....and make up can be used to conceal defects and enhance strong points. Clothing? Unlimited possibilities! True, there is a steep learning curve and difficult challenges involved, but that is part of the allure. When a cross dresser begins to see almost immediate improvement and positive results, this boosts their self esteem. (Even a cheap wig, badly applied make up and a skirt to show off shapely legs can be a revelation of how much these items can enhance one’s looks.)

There may also an aspect of competitiveness involved. Many cross dressers choose the most feminine styles possible. (ie: always wearing skirts/dresses and heels.) They take pride in learning to wear this apparel and exploit it to the fullest extent. Being able to say, *I dress better (read *more feminine* ) than most women I know and  walk better in heels than most women I know* is great ego chow . Overcoming great obstacles and being better than the *experts*(women) can be very rewarding. Hearing a woman say *You look better than I do*  is the best payoff of all.

This relates back to Self Concept, Self Image and Self Esteem. An individual may cross dress to express the feminine aspects of their total being. They feel equally male AND female and want to experience life as both genders. They may blur gender distinctions totally or hold them exclusively separate. They don’t see themselves as exclusively "male" or "female". They see themselves as human beings that possess the qualities and characteristics of both genders.

When examined closely...what the hell difference does it really make what style of clothing a person wears, and how they choose to behave?  Looking through history...men have often worn make up and skirts and it was accepted and considered *normal*.  This of course isn't the case today.

Some Pangendered individuals see societal/cultural rules as silly and arbitrary...which of course they are.  *G*  These individuals however go one step further and choose to buck the system.  They may see their society or culture as limiting, small minded, controlling and having double standards. 

In my culture, it's just fine for a woman to wear men's clothing.  But if a man should wear women's clothing...???  It's a SIN!  It's SICK!!  It's UNNATURAL!!!  Why is this the case?

Homophobia on the part of BOTH genders is a primary factor. 

Heaven forbid if a *straight man* should find a Pangendered individual attractive...because that means that the *straight* man is really GAY!  The *sick pervert in women's clothing* FOOLED him because the *sick pervert* wants to have SEX with him!

This type of rigid thinking would be laughable if it weren't for the fact that Pangendered individuals lose their lives every year as a result of it.

Women are often just as bad.  They may see the Pangendered individual as a *threat* if they are attractive or *pathetic little fags* if they're not.  If they are attracted to a Pangendered individual, then that may cause them to question their own sexuality...IE:   *AGGGH!  I'm a Lesbian!*  Women may also have difficulty dealing with the display of "feminine" qualities if they are predisposed and attracted to strictly *MALE* behavior and attitudes.

Religion also has a strong effect on societal and cultural rules.  I don't think I need to expound on this.

All that many Pangendered individuals want to do is be attractive and express themselves and use any tools available to achieve that goal.  Pushing the envelope of established norms allows them to do this more frequently and OPENLY in a quest for CHANGE.

Some Pangendered individuals may have such a strong idealized vision of what a *women* and *femininity* should be, that they seek to bring that vision to life in themselves.

Men, Women and the Pangendered ALL grow up with idealized visions of what gender is.  Lord knows that ordinary women have to compete with images of *model perfect* everyday and know how difficult if not IMPOSSIBLE that is to do on a daily basis.  There just aren't enough hours in the day.  However...the Pangendered individual doesn't have to get those results every day.

Often...this will manifest itself in the *Madonna/Whore* form.  Virginal on the surface...but highly sexual, sensual, experimental and WILD underneath.  This is admittedly a *Male* view of women, but is often seen in a Pangendered individuals presentation of self. 

Frequently..*female* physical characteristics are exaggerated, sometimes to cartoon-like  proportions.  Some individuals refuse to wear pants...others will NEVER wear flats.  Go into ANY Tranny chat room...and you'll see frequent comments about how *women don't know how to dress anymore*.  *G*

Often ALL interests or topics considered the LEAST bit *masculine or male oriented*  (sports, cars, guns, etc) will be avoided by the Pangendered individual  and discouraged or even scorned when others bring them up for discussion.

Some Pangendered individuals may be married and find their spouses *wanting* in their idealized vision of what a woman should be and go about creating the *perfect woman* themselves.  Their spouse may not like high heels or dresses or sexy underwear....but the Pangendered partner sure does!  A spouse may lose interest in keeping her shape or making herself attractive....but the Pangendered individual hasn't!  This raises a couple of interesting questions.

Is the spouse of this Pangender a *failure* at being a woman?  Most certainly NOT!  They just may not know the Pangender as well as they think they do.

Does that mean that the spouse of a Pangender needs to dress up more frequently or look and act like a slut?  Maybe...but not all the time...*G*....and only after the couple has  determined their boundaries and promised to  respect them.

Should the spouse of a Pangender worry about all this?  Not necessarily.  But it may indicate that you need to have a talk.  Perhaps some little changes in wardrobe or self presentation might be explored, and a frank, open and honest discussion about what you BOTH find sexy, attractive and desirable may have some VERY interesting and positive results!!!

Some Pandgendered individuals see the presentation their *female self* as a living work of  art. 

It can't be denied that a convincing male to female transformation involves a good deal of art and artifice.  A skilled make up application is every bit as much a work of art as any painting.  Hairdressing has much in common with sculpting.  Clothing selection, fit, and color coordinating all fit into the realm of fashion or costume design.  Imitation of vocal characteristics, body movement and the creation of a *female persona* can be equated with acting.  And of course making female physical characteristics appear while making male physical characteristics disappear involves as much misdirection as any magician or illusionist employs.

Obviously, the Pangender who thinks this way has a strong appreciation for the beauty they see in the female form and wish to recreate it using themselves as a palette. 

Interestingly.....I've encountered a good number of Pangendered individuals who are or were employed in traditionally very macho, very *MALE* professions.....  Marines, Special Forces, Football Players, Firefighters and Truck Drivers just to name a few.  Individuals in these professions are generally very motivated, successful, organized, self confident and often....... perfectionists.

"What made these individuals want to put on frilly panties and be fem?", I often asked myself.  Overcompensation seemed to be the answer.

These individuals didn't just wake up one day and say...*I need to wear a dress*.  They have spent YEARS denying the feminine part of themselves that wanted to be let out.  In order for them to deal with those *evil feelings and desires*, they attempted to control or squelch them by finding the most macho professions possible and excelling at them.  However...at some point they realized that the feelings were still there and still strong.  Because of their success at the *male* end of the spectrum and the confidence they achieved by being the best at what they did....they could allow themselves the freedom of expression that they had denied for so long.  They see presenting their female selves as the ultimate challenge. They don't just want to look *OK* as their girl self.  They want to look *THE BEST*.  And frequently...they DO!

I find these individuals to be some of the most interesting and inspiring people I've ever met.